Number of words manuscript currently contains: 77,852

Number of red ink cartridges used to edit umpteenth draft: 6

Number of crying fits generated by manuscript:between 3-5 (accurate figure unattainable due to mysterious nature of human frustration)

Number of conversations about novel that flounder within minutes: 8 and counting

Number of months since work began: 10

Number of hours spent on manuscript: too many to bear thinking about