It doesn’t matter how creative, emotionally enlightened or downright flaky you are, the chances are that if you want to pursue a creative career, you’re going to have to fund it somehow.
There are many jobs favoured by artistic types, and if you poke your nose into your local cafe, cinema or bar you’re sure to be able to sniff out the next big thing in whatever scene you’re into in no time. But there comes a time, and an age, where an office job beckons.
Proper holidays and better pay have their attractions, but an office job can be a tough thing for crazed creative types to cope with – hence my list of office survival tips.
1. Take up an arbitrary habit. A habit can be a wonderful way to distract yourself from the fact you’ve become the very thing you always hated. Don’t start smoking if you don’t already and try and avoid this one even if you do, you’ll only be forced to try and bond with the other nicotine-starved and alienated smokers and that’ll make the day more annoying, not less.
Instead, get really into good brands of coffee. Make it in your own cafetiere and enjoy the chance to rhapsodise over its subtle flavours as you wait for it to infuse. If you’re not into caffeine, tell yourself you’re hooked on ice lollies. This will also give you the chance to wander to the shop at random intervals. If anyone asks, you need the sugar to maintain your delicately balanced equilibrium.
2. Keep something weird on your desk. You may be wondering how the addition of a strange curio will help you fit in at the office; the answer is that it won’t. It will, however, give the poor souls who stray over to your domain something to look at and possibly talk about when met with your manic stare and hiss of ‘what do you want’. I recommend tacky holiday souvenirs with inappropriate nudity or references to death. Don’t bother with a voodoo doll though, unless you want a few nice chats with the HR department.
3. Give everyone a nickname and work it into a haiku.Remembering the name of all of the soulless bastards you work with can be tricky can’t it, especially when you have so many more pressing things on your mind – like how you’re going to revolutionise the art world, right? Right? Well, flex your creative muscles by thinking up some really good nicknames to help you differentiate between them, then while away several happy hours creating haikus around them. For example,
The tall frog faced girl
Always hogs the kitchen sink
I wish she’d hop it
Pwned’s an analyst
According to his job title
Shame his own stats suck
Just try and remember not to call them by their nicknames huh? Unless you’re the kind of creative type that feeds off the drama (and if you are, please let me recommend introducing an anti-drama monkey into your life!).
Office boredom is a serious problem; make sure you squash it without switching off those important brain cells. More tips coming soon!